Thursday, May 14, 2009

My honest crap

Hear ye, hear ye oh wunnerfull blogren, that it has been agreed upon by all of you *I insist* represented by the lovelies Val, PinkM, Ourkid, Keikei and The blogger formerly known as Nzembi, that a scrap award for honesty shall be bestowed upon me (Cue thunderous applause here!)

(The dramatic tearful acceptance) *Bow, curtsey, bob and blow kisses* "Awww, you can stop clapping now, really... Shucks, I know it comes as no suprise because any trophy made of scrap metal rightfully belongs to me, but I'm quite touched ;-D

There were rules somewhere but I'll make like a matatu driver with traffic laws and forget that they ever existed.

Drums, check. Bass, check. Strings, check. Groove and funk, Check. Let's proceed shall we....

1. Floetry - Floetic

If only I was poetic! You see I fancy myself a wee bit of a poet, but it recently came to my attention that I'm as poetic as George Bush is intellectual (No pun not intended!) But it wasn't suprising really, seeing how at one point or another in my life I thought I was musical or artistic or even prophetic depending on how the wind blew. I even considered myself somwhat of a Sumo wrestler until I realised that the swallowed thongs and the flabby bellies really do not do justice to my skin tone :-D

3. Beyonce - If I were a boy

I'd mic check my dongle (yes PinkM I said dongle! Hehe) Make sure the portable wi-fi was in proper working order, then proceed to find THIS idiot and reciprocate the golden favour!!

4. D'angelo - Shit, damn, motherfucker

Okay, this one might be a wee bit TMI: Apparently I can't take a dump in a foreign environment. I shit you not! When I'm travelling for long I can sub-consciously constipate myself for up to two weeks until I get back home to my throne room, unless it's incase of an emergency, in that case.....

6. Raul midon - State of mind

After watching the matrix trilogy I figured that everything in life is a state of mind. Since then I've been trying to bend spoons with my mind and I've been waiting for a call or for someone to come up to me and ask me whether I want the red pill or the blue one. Neither has happened yet, but soon....So if perchance any of you see me staring at a spoon suspiciously.....

7. Bob Marley feat Erykah Badu - No more trouble

Of late I'm becoming quite the passive aggressive. Which is really messed up coz I get irrate easily, but I'm bottling it all up inside. I'm just afraid I might take it all out on some poor sod who steps on my foot accidentally one fateful morning. If that poor sod happens to be any of you I apologize in advance!

9. Common - Soulfood

I am picky eater. A reeeeeeally picky eater, like a five year old or a pregnant lady. I don't eat chilly, AT ALL!! (Not red ones or green ones or yellow ones or blue ones or curry or anything that can be considered remotely hot and spicy!!) I don't like experimenting with fancy stuff and I stay away from anything that is neon coloured. I don't like chocolate (Unless it's raffaelo's) or ice-cream (Unless it's peppemint with choc-chips) I go through phrases when I only want to eat a particular food like noodles or pies, depending on my mood. And I eat ice-cubes. Abnormally so. At least 2-3 trays a day without fail. I can wake up in the morning and have ice-cubes and milk and crunch away at it as if it's a cereal!

10. Brian Mcknight - Back at one

Calculus is not my forte so I'll assume I've reached ten.

Thankyou all for being such a lovely audience. *Mwaaah, mwaaah, mwaaah, and mwaaah to you too!!* (Cue exit track and curtain drop...)

Oh wait! (Running back to stage) I'd forgotten....

Role call: (The following bloggers please report to tag square at once!)

JustDes: You're not getting away that easily, chap chap, my latte is getting cold :-D
Tbaby: Blogging about kamasutra on your third post, tsk tsk!!
Smothyz: I know you're insane!! Really, an absolute nutter. But poetic too!

Errryone who's not done it yet!!

17 comments:

3CB said...

at number 3, hehehe, me too :)

3CB said...

Okay i made a comment...where'd it go? Anyway, #3? me too :)

3CB said...

Ooops...i meant to say #4, me too. Can I just delete the two other typocomms real quick? You don't mind, do you hun?

SG said...

Find a tin, yes, a tin do the necessary then pour the hot stuff on him when he just about to take the stairs.

And you cheated.

Mo said...

2 - 3 trays of icecubes? Strong teeth, Loco, strong teeth.

I'm with you on #4. I also can't do it in an even remotely noisy place which is why I prefer to 'go' at night. Plus doing 'it' in someone's home just feels rude for some reason. LOL, only on the internet can people discuss this in an offhand manner.

Bomseh said...

We are soo together on number 2, I guess that's why it is invisible.

pink m said...

You have a dongle now hun? :)

lol at number 4.

Halafu, allow me to play accountant. These are not 10, you have cheated. You and @our kid are so getting re tagged by me.

KK said...

wait... swallowed thong? And ati namba 2 is where?

eizzy.k said...

firstly can i say your music taste is awesome, much like mine!

1 - LoL, you know in some cases, lots of practice can make up for talent!

4- 2 weeks?! damn! once u feverishly clean the seat like a million times and cover it with TP and half seat ensuring minimum surface area comes into contact with your skin, it aint too bad!

Loco said...

@CB: Haha, you can chuck 'em but I like how it makes it look like I've got tons of comments :-)

@SG: I'd do that but it'd not be as much fun as the real deal, would it?! And I din't cheat, I made an honest mathematical error (Insert cute innocent face here!)

@Mo: Hehe, yeah, I never knew so many people had issues with doing a #2 like that!

@Bomseh: LOL!! That one was just between the two of us :-)

@PinkM: Hahaha, I wiull not declare my dongle status here!! LOL! *Sigh* I guess this means I'm getting audited, si?!

@KK: Yep, you know the huge cotton ones worn by sumo wrestlers, bloody uncomfortable sports wear in my opinion!

@Eizzy K: Awww shux, thankyou, and welcome to mine :-) Hehe, I tried, doesn't work, my mind keeps my bowels on lockdown!

Mama said...

Hehehehe! I know about 4, I think that's common.

Who is this Tbaby? I was running to read Kamasutra on the third day! You didn't create links...so you cheated!

Anonymous said...

tbaby reporting: Common - Soulfood
babygal come to my house more often will cook you a good meal...peaky eater you not become after w week of my paradise...smiles

S said...

Lol! You nuts but I like yo music. Halafu you cheated!

savvy said...

#4 Me too!

Peter (Walkabout) Njenga said...

#3 "The angle of the dangle is equal to the cubic of the pubic." -(100 Girls)
#4 "Hey Shitbreak!" -Steve Stiffler (American Pie)
#6 "Don't try to bend the spoon, it's impossible." -(The Matrix)

Nice post Loco!

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