Sunday, April 19, 2009

Errr.... Poetry??

I am
Said it
Just don't
Expect me
To show it.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

The drunk post...

Dudes and dudettes!! It's been a while since I went drinking, actually, It's been quite a while since I got drunk and did s'mn stooopid!! Well, Tonight I did and now I am!!! So here's my 1.2.3. about being inebriated! When you attempt to prove your stamina by taking in copious amounts of alcohol and getting pretty much shitfaced, please remember the following:


- Ladies, the hot guy you're grinding up on won't be as hot when you wake up next to him tomorrow morning. DUHHH!
- Ladies (again) you don't look prettier when you're drunk, you only look prettier when THEY are drunk!
- Ladies (Ok, fuck it, I'm a female so most of this post is going to be pretty much Lady oriented!!) If you couldn't do the make-up right when you were sober then don't think you can do it right when you're wasted!! Yep, I hate to break it to ya, but they pretty much fucked you over when they made the mascara a wand and the eye pencil a pencil! Same case applies to dancing, sexy poses and such like!
- Gents the aforementioned procedures (applying make-up *If that's your thing*, dancing, looking sexy and PICK-UP LINES!!!) apply to you too!!


- Drive when drunk!! (Trust me on this, those EABL adverts aren't pure bullshit, you WILL end up over a pavement *Ask me* or running into your best friend's bumper *Ask Des* I shit you not)
- Drink if you haven't eaten (Cardinal drinking rule #1)
- Mix your drinks, Beer is beer,whiskey is whiskey, wine is wine and so on and so forth (cardinal rule #2: If you do the results could be visibly disastrous - Yes, you'll puke your bloody guts out!!!)
- Hit on that hunk or hottie when you're smashed, you'll look like an utter idiot (Even though you probably are, we don't want that fact out there in the open, do we?)
- Send your Ex/ Current/ Could be/ Would be/ Shoulda been boyfriend/ girlfriend a text message. And no, you are not allowed to call them either!
-Blog when you're utterly pissed (You'll end up sounding somewhat like I do now and I'm pretty sure that's not what you want)


- Head straight home after your umpteenth glass of potent shit. You'll be glad you woke up in your own bed the next morning (Puke filled sheets notwithstanding!!)
- Blame it on the alcohol the next morning *Like I will tomorrow morning*

Happiness - Dead prez
Because I got high - Afroman
On and On - Erykah Badu

On my bookshelve:

On my wall:
Some funky Afro-painting from Tazama Gallery with no name

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Amazing Grace finale! Finally!!

Grace is spotted. "C'mere you slippery wench" A short chase ensues "Aaaaah, gotcha!!!"

You, yes YOU, you wouldn't have that confused look on your face if you'd been here an here....

SO where was I, oh yes, the cosmic forces of the universe were refusing to play fair with me and blah blah blah. Anyway, I'll hurry up and finish this cause by now y'all are probably bored shitless by this story right?

I got my coffee, it was sugarless and it burnt my tongue, Mr Bossman came to pick me up, I spilt coffee on his car seat (In my defense it was just a tiny spill and juggling hot coffee, a car door and a file isn't too easy!!) I also discovered that wearing 4 inch heels isn't such a great idea especially when your boss is already much shorter than you normally...

I did the interview, it went quite well akshually, all was forgiven and I lived happily ever after with Grace, Mercy, Hope, Patience and all their siblings as my housemates (The living quarters are getting wee bit cramped but who am I to complain?!)

The end!!

*Anyone thinking of reproducing this into a fairy tale should do a side bar with me to discuss copyright issues :-) *

Golden - Jill Scott
Sawasawa - Eric Wainaina
Get up - Amel Larrieux

On my bookshelve:
The constant gardener - John Le Carre

On my wall:
Woman weighing pearls - Vermeer

Monday, April 6, 2009

Amazing grace part 2!

What did I ever do to you grace?! Show thine damneth face!!

So if you're just catching up then start with part one.

- There pictures may or may not be loco, go figure!!
- Caution, graphic content!!

I get out of the taxi and the taxi man speeds off quick fast and in a hurry! Now you need to know that Loco is not particularly bright and does not trust weather peoples, so ofcourse I didn't have an umbrella on me. I took two steps and faster than you can say "Bloody 'ell" it started pouring. With Mo as my witness, the rain in Malaysia is ruthless. It was as though someone hollered "Open the floodgates of heaven!!" And God said "You asked for it!!!" then those impish angels who operate the floodgates went apeshit on the opening mechanisms! The end result...

I'm soaked through and through,in a white shirt mind!! So I rush up the steps and call Mr Bossman. "Come to A2 floor 8." "I'll be right up I reply" Then the hunt for A2 began. After about 15 minutes or so I figure out that there are FOUR taylors colleges, and yep you guessed it, am at the wrong one!! (I can't make this shit up, I swuurrrrs!!)

Grace is needed ASAP but nooooo, she doesn't feel the need to show up. I continue the struggle on my own!

Finally I call Mr. Bossman and explain how pathetically lost I am. "Okay,wait for me at the starbucks I'll come pick you up!" Ohhh sweet reprieve!! I rush into starbucks, DRIPPING WET, dying for a hit of something hot and coffeeish.

"Could I please have a cafe americano, extra strong!!" "That will be 11.60RM," the guy at the counter says giving drenched Loco a sympathetic look but struggling to swallow his laughter at the same time, what with me looking like a drenched cat and whatnot!!

I decided to wait outside. Now I won't expound on this next part too much, the memory is still too painfully fresh! It will suffice to say, 4 inch heels and a wet ramp equals afew inches of aching bum....

I'm soaked, lost and I can't for the life of me sit down properly. Screw that bitch Grace, now I'm just crossing my fingers that I'll run into her cousin mercy!!

You know there's more!!

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Amazing Grace, Amazing Grace, Wherefore art thou??!

What's so amazing about Grace??!

2.53pm: I get a call from a prospective employer, "We can meet today and discuss the job I was telling you about. How soon do you think you can be in the office?" "Give me an hour," I say, cool as can be. I hang up and sit in daze for a few minutes, "Wooohooooo!!" I wrap up chatting and whatnot and start getting ready.

3.32pm: I call a cab and go downstairs to wait.

3.40pm: Tap, tap, tap my foot. Light a dunhill fine cut, inhale, still waiting.

3.45pm: WTF!! Incompetent cab services, Still waiting as you've probably guessed!!

3.51pm: The cab arrives. I jump in. "Taylors college, abang. Do you know where it is?" "Taylors in Subang Jaya. Okay Lah. No problem," He replies. I put my earphones on and do a quick mental calculation. Good traffic, I'll be there by 4.07pm. Bad traffic I'll be there by 4.20pm. Not too bad. I close my eyes and listen to Norman Brown trying to calm myself down.

4.02pm: My phone rings. "Loco, how far are you?" "I'm sorry, traffic is horrid but I just passed the Sunway toll so I should be there within the next 10 minutes."

4.05pm: The foot starts tap tap tapping again! A slight drizzle begins.

4.09pm: We get there. "This is Taylors Miss. 26RM" I pay quickly and jump out of the cab.

That is the point I stopped looking at my watch. That is also the point, I started looking for Amazing Grace.

To be continued.....

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Is there a doctor in the house?!!

I feel sick. But I don't feel sick. Confusing right?! I know!! Okay, lemme explain it this way, you know the feeling you get right before you get a really bad flu or a stomach upset?! *Giving you a moment to process and go aaaah!* Yes, that feeling. I think it's somehow related to the fact that I haven't been eating properly for the past few days, somehow the food just doesn't go down as well as it should so I've been staying away from it.

So anyway, I told a friend of mine how I'm feeling and she said something that got me thinking. Apparently there's this theory that was postulated by some woman that every illness can be related to some kind of psychological issue. For example, a persistent cough means that a person is psychologically seeking attention. Cancer is a physical manifestation of psychological issues springing from some form of troubled upbringing that was somehow repressed.And so on and so forth.

I was diagnosed with severe iron deficiency anaemia when was around 13. What the doctors find most interesting about my anaemia is that no matter how low my HB gets (at one point it was a disastrous 4.3), the symptoms never manifest. Instead of being sluggish and tired all the time I usually have energy levels akin to that of the animaniacs. And they've tried everything, diet changes, supplements, blood transfusion, somehow my HB has never gotten to the optimum levels. So today I was wondering, do I have some psychological issue that I have never addressed?!

FLASHBACK: I had a normal childhood, very democratic family. I've never seen my parents fighting. Went to good schools and had healthy friendships. Always eaten right. Never been denied anything I need (Note, I said need not want) I didn't have too much freedom, or too little for that matter, everything I was allowed to do was always through logic and reasoning.

Now I have a very healthy relationship with my parents, my brother, with my friends, am in a very happy relationship with a wonderful man (albeit long distance). I have good days, amazing days, bad days, boring days, everything within the range of normal. So what psychological issue am I dealing with exactly?! Do I need to be put on an emotional drip? A mental enema perhaps?! Maybe an illness is just that. AN ILLNESS!! I don't think every time you get the sniffles it means you need to see a shrink. Let me know what you think.

Something's wrong - Bruno Le Flance
Let's make love - Foreplay
Angel of the island - Nicholas Rastoul

On my Bookshelve:
Five African plays - Cosmo Pieterse

On my wall:
The Arnolfini marriage - Jan van Eyck