Sunday, November 4, 2007

A letter to myself… my later self...

Physical address unknown

Date unknown

Position only hoped for

Dear Ms /Mrs. / Dr. Future Self,

Hey, I guess that’s what I should begin with, it only seems fitting seeing as I’ve began many a letter and sms with it, do you still do that by the way? Anyway, I digress…. By the time you get this I will only be a memory, a rash moment in your past. I however need you to understand, that I needed to do this, because there are one or two things I need to know from you and another one or two that I need you to know from me. So here goes my one or two or twenty one questions… (I hope you still hate 50cents by the way!)

I ask the questions first because so far I have always been better at asking than answering. Where do I begin…. Are you still as confused as I am about so many things? Do you still love music, jazz, neo-soul, afro-fusion.... do you still close your eyes as you listen to it and let the soulful notes swallow you? And poetry, do you still love it and attempt to write and does it still end up sounding corny and if it does are you still proud of it? Are you still addicted to hot chocolate. (you know what they say, when it’s hot and chocolate you cant go wrong) Are you still stubborn and principled? Are you married? Wait hold up… are you still straight or did you go lesbian? Are you still a spiritual? Did you somewhere along the way let cynicism extinguish your faith? Have you loved yet, loved so deeply like I wanted for you? If you haven’t why haven’t you? If you have, was it reciprocated or unrequited? And no I am not talking of loving a pet! Speaking of pets, did you get that turtle? What did you name he/she/it? Do you still want to be a revolutionary of sorts? Are you a revolutionary of sorts? Oh yeah, and am really curious, do you still talk a lot? Did you maintain your friendships? As much as it pains me to think of this, are mum and dad still alive? What about Ofio? What mischief is he up to nowadays? Are there little critters with that last name and eyes as big as yours? If there are I’m sure they are beautiful, give them a kiss and tell them I love the already, but truth be told, when you were me you weren’t sure you wanted them!

I know I’ve asked more than my fair share. So here are some things I need you to know. I did all I have done, always with your best interests at heart and in mind. Maybe you are who you are now because of all the times that I have refused to sell myself short. And all the times I refused to settle for anything less than the best. I just hope that you don’t regret any of that. I also need you to know that the walls I built around the heart were only to protect me and eventually you, for your sake I hope they didn’t harden as much as I predicted them if I keep on reinforcing them. And the tears I didn’t shed were to make you strong, you need to know that though sometimes tears are good, most of the time they are for the weak, I was just conditioning you not to show your weakness. Am sorry for my current faults, too many to enumerate, I am trying to be a better person for you, and I don’t seem to have the willpower to do it most of the time, forgive me. I’ll keep on trying.

I pray you get to read this, I hope you make it, I have big dreams for you, I hope you fulfill them, I have faith in you, I hope you do me proud but no matter what I love you, I need you to love yourself and I beg you to keep your dignity even If God forbid you loose all else. I am young and green and some of the things I do might end up biting you in the ass, but know that I did it all believing it was for the best. And I hope you’re still fiery, a leo, the passion and zeal can never be extinguished. All the best, don’t forget me, this memory of your past, lying in bed at four in the morning typing this letter to you on Sherby (What happened to her??!!) And I hope you never regret me, this memory of the past

With most love,

The past you.