Wednesday, April 15, 2009

The drunk post...

Dudes and dudettes!! It's been a while since I went drinking, actually, It's been quite a while since I got drunk and did s'mn stooopid!! Well, Tonight I did and now I am!!! So here's my 1.2.3. about being inebriated! When you attempt to prove your stamina by taking in copious amounts of alcohol and getting pretty much shitfaced, please remember the following:

Illusions:

- Ladies, the hot guy you're grinding up on won't be as hot when you wake up next to him tomorrow morning. DUHHH!
- Ladies (again) you don't look prettier when you're drunk, you only look prettier when THEY are drunk!
- Ladies (Ok, fuck it, I'm a female so most of this post is going to be pretty much Lady oriented!!) If you couldn't do the make-up right when you were sober then don't think you can do it right when you're wasted!! Yep, I hate to break it to ya, but they pretty much fucked you over when they made the mascara a wand and the eye pencil a pencil! Same case applies to dancing, sexy poses and such like!
- Gents the aforementioned procedures (applying make-up *If that's your thing*, dancing, looking sexy and PICK-UP LINES!!!) apply to you too!!

DONT'S:

- Drive when drunk!! (Trust me on this, those EABL adverts aren't pure bullshit, you WILL end up over a pavement *Ask me* or running into your best friend's bumper *Ask Des* I shit you not)
- Drink if you haven't eaten (Cardinal drinking rule #1)
- Mix your drinks, Beer is beer,whiskey is whiskey, wine is wine and so on and so forth (cardinal rule #2: If you do the results could be visibly disastrous - Yes, you'll puke your bloody guts out!!!)
- Hit on that hunk or hottie when you're smashed, you'll look like an utter idiot (Even though you probably are, we don't want that fact out there in the open, do we?)
- Send your Ex/ Current/ Could be/ Would be/ Shoulda been boyfriend/ girlfriend a text message. And no, you are not allowed to call them either!
-Blog when you're utterly pissed (You'll end up sounding somewhat like I do now and I'm pretty sure that's not what you want)

DO:

- Head straight home after your umpteenth glass of potent shit. You'll be glad you woke up in your own bed the next morning (Puke filled sheets notwithstanding!!)
- Blame it on the alcohol the next morning *Like I will tomorrow morning*

Soundtrack:
Happiness - Dead prez
Because I got high - Afroman
On and On - Erykah Badu

On my bookshelve:
Nothing

On my wall:
Some funky Afro-painting from Tazama Gallery with no name

21 comments:

Kasimvs said...

uwongo mtupu..... i should make a drinking 101. first rule look for somewhere in the bar where you can take a deserved un interupted power nap when the going tends to go tough and you can make it to the door. hint: under the dj booth hehehe for more tips insert coin

Our Kid said...

It is surprising that some people don't know that if you are drunk, the best way to get over it is by drinking more! That should feature among the do's.

pink m said...

Good tips!

I have been drunk once, it was so totally disastrous, hence my resolve to stay away from the liquid.

Actually, since then, even slightly tipsy has been a disaster.

val said...

Is how I'm agreeing with everything? Let's just say I re-aacquaited myself with my favourite brew jana...

Don't drink and dial/ text! This is my cardinal rule...which I break everytime! (Except jana I'm pleased to note)

Don't mix drinks...true (but once I see a cocktail, all bets are off)

(I've bn reading today is when I felt inspired to comment)..

Read the Blogging under the influence post by Mama..hehe

Loco said...

@Kasimvs: I bow to the master of drinking!! In fact, that being your forte, I think it should be topic of that guest blog, what say you?

@Our Kid: Hehehe, I have come to realize that rule applies to Kenyans and Russians only!! LOL!

@PinkM: A concession! That's the spirit (or lack thereof!) After last night I'm staying away from the potent stuff for a while myself :-)

@Val: Ohai!! Your presence has been felt, Kthnx! LOL! Seems like our drinking habits are quite similar then :-) But honestly some of those cocktails are just toooo good, black velvet is my personal weakness!! I'm heading to mama's right now :-)

nikolas said...

i was here. that is all.

oh, and please, listen to her!

Mama said...

Eeeuuwww!! thinking of a puke filled sheet is disgusting!!

Loco I just stay away from the drink! It makes my life so much easier.

Mama said...

Aiiii Val, Blogging under the influence was Shiko's post. You all just thought I was BUI courtesy of this post.... http://maisha-africa.blogspot.com/2009/02/friday-humor.html

Mwistar said...

I am all for drinking .. in moderation ... sometimes ... in excess... Actually, I don't trust camels or anything else that can go for a week without a drink!

Loco said...

@Nick: Your presence has been felt :-D

@Mama: LOL! It's even worse when said sheets or said liquidish matter does not belong to you! And that friday humor post was just utter hilarity by the way!!

@Mwistar: Hehehe, And you are quite right not to!! I'll add that on my things not to trust list, right up there next to clowns!

ShiT HAppEns('',) said...

- Ladies, the hot guy you're grinding up on won't be as hot when you wake up next to him tomorrow morning. DUHHH!
---totally true babes..shit aynt on point hey----
- Ladies (again) you don't look prettier when you're drunk, you only look prettier when THEY are drunk!
---much respect didnt actually see it that way hey('',)

Loco said...

@Tbaby: Next time we're out drinking these rules shall be stuck to.... No, Seriously... Hehe!

Sleek said...

great tips...u've spoken like a weathered drinker

eizzy.k said...

LMAO!
hehehe been there!!! the do, and donts especially!

@ Kasimvs - LoL a drinking 101 sounds like it would be dope! and (@ Our Kid too) abt the power nap thing, and drinkin moere, i never actually thought abt dat!

savvy said...

True everything...especially the mixing of drinks...

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