...and then I exhale

For the past three or so weeks I’ve been suffering really bad insomnia. Really bad. I can’t get any sleep till around 7 or 8 in the morning when the sun is already up, and I am awake by around 10am. It’s not the good insomnia where you get to stay awake finishing up the work you have. By 4am or 5am I’m usually so tired I could go crazy (or crazier depending on how you look at it!) After trying every relaxation technique I could think about (camomile tea, hot showers, warm milk, exercise...) I finally gave up and decided that my issues must be psychological.

Last night, in sheer frustration about my lack of sleep I found myself out walking at 4.00am, listening to Norman Brown and reflecting. Four acquaintances of mine have died in the past two weeks, one was a good friend. Two of my acquaintances are in hospital, one is a good friend.

I’ll start with Saqib. Saqib was a wild card. The kind of guy you could always depend on to do the randomest things. The kind of guy who would give me the tequila shot that tipped me from the edge of tipsy to shit drunk. There was never a dull moment when you were with him. He was the life of the group, any group. Last week Wednesday when I was out celebrating Obama’s victory with my friends, I got a text. Saqib had been in a car accident, him and Muneer (who was on the passenger seat) had died on the spot. The life of the group no more, but the memories they left behind are of good times, of lives well lived, footprints left. Memories I and others will cherish, and lives that will be fondly remembered. R.I.P.

Zain was in the car with Saqib. He broke two ribs, punctured a lung, broke a finger, cut his head and was immediately rushed into the operating room. He is stable and recovering. He still has no idea that Saqib and Muneer are dead. No one has the heart to tell him as he recovers from his injuries.

Life is fickle. Way too fickle for me. I should be grateful for the insomnia, that I get extra 2 or 3 hours to savour living.

After I came back from the walk I fell asleep immediately, for 8 hours. Insomnia cured. But then again, it’s some minutes past 5am now, I’m still awake and I see no signs of me falling asleep anytime soon.

Soundtrack:
Dark days - Fat Freddy drops
I believe in love - Aaron 'Krucial' Rimbua
Breathe - telepopmusik